BE TRUE TO THYSELY

 So I was bored one day and decided to keep myself busy with Face book, to see who got married, who added new pictures, who was quarreling with their friend or who had something to say. Looking through I stumbled on a picture of an "ex crush" holding a girl passionately and the caption read "engaged". The wave of "bad belle" that came over me was incredible, I could taste the bitterness on my lips.

This brief bitterness wasn't because I missed him and wanted him o. To be honest I had forgotten about him until I stumbled on that picture. It was because a few years ago, I would have given an arm and a leg to be the girl in that picture.
I met him when I was in high school, and I was introduced to him by his cousin, and we became friend shortly after. We hung out often and talked about my life in after school and his life after university. A few weeks my after final exams, he invited me for lunch and I was almost certain he was the one. After dancing around the issue for weeks, I was finally brave enough to ask him the question, “what are we” and his exact words were, “you are like a sister to me”  I had to take a moment to pick up fragments of my shattered heart, smiled and said  no problem. I avoided him for two month as I licked my wounds and tried to regain my pride. After those months I convinced myself that he surely said all he said because I acted like a sister and not a girlfriend, so I hung out whenever he called, listen to his ideas and plans. In fact I played my “standby/sister role” well and told myself plenty lies. In my mind he was going to realize that I was much more than a sister, and eventually want more, yes subconsciously defrauded myself.
He left town for a few months and I missed him badly, we talked and exchanged text everyday and I did most of the calling. All of my allowance was spent on airtime but I did not bother.  He told me his birthday was coming up and that he was going to celebrate it in grand style, I immediately saved the date and started saving money for an outfit and a gift. On the day of the celebration, I was all dolled up, I had a beautiful and very expensive outfit, and an expensive gift as well. In my mind he was going to tell how much of a fool he had been and that he wanted to be more than friends. He opened the door and hugged me passionately, ushered me in and started introducing me to his friends, then told me there was someone he wanted me to meet. We walked up to this lady and he held her and said to me” meet the love of my life”. If he had punched me it wouldn't have hurt at all. What had just happened? The guy I had been playing sister/standby and hoping to be more had boarded another flight! It hurt like hell for a while then I stopped lying to myself. The bitter and truth was that he never saw me as a girlfriend, he was not into me. He actually didn't lead me on; I just convinced myself that being in the standby sister zone will eventually lead him to the truth that he clearly couldn't see. One of my friends gave me the best advice ever! She said if someone really likes you they will never make excuses. If you are getting excuses then you are not the one; a tough pill to swallow but very true.
I learned a valuable lesson from this; the worst thing you can ever do to yourself is lie to yourself and deprive yourself of what you truly deserve. Be it a relationship, job, whatever situation in life just be honest to yourself. If a situation isn't giving you what you want, be brave enough and tell yourself; I am not getting what I want. Be HONEST.

I am sure I’m not the only one this has happened to, do you remember that person that had you so good that you ended up lying to yourself?